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I'm your host, Lana Shay. And today we've got a conversation with Jacqueline Michelle. We're about to explore the usual topics that might make you blush. But we're all about keeping it real here. So stick around because in this conversation we're diving into some intriguing territory that share to pique your curiosity. But before we jump into it, a quick reminder to subscribe to The Pure Way Substack newsletter for unfiltered stories, health hacks, and exploration of all that is taboo. And don't forget to leave your thoughts. Comments, reviews. We want to hear everything you're thinking. And also what you'd like to explore in future episodes. So without further ado, let's get into the conversation. Here it is:
Lana: We're just having a conversation.
Jaqueline: All natural, organic.
Lana: All natural, organic, being on the bed… that has a little bit of blood on it.
Jaqueline: I like blood.
Lana: And I'm glad you're comfortable with it.
Jaqueline: Of course! I made a painting with my period blood. I used to paint and I had my moon cup at the time. And later on I'll show you a picture, but I did the cycles. It had the ovulation, like the white for the ovulation, and it had like really dark red for the ending, and then light pink for the beginning. And then deep like where it was red, it was like heavy clots. And then when it was the process of drying, I poured my blood over it The way that it dried crackled and it looked like snake skin, which I thought was like a really beautiful, like Adam and eve snake, dark feminine type of texture.
Lana: Oh, I love that. It was, we are comfortable with blood here. We paint with it.
Jaqueline: We paint with it and cast spells with it, which happens monthly.
Lana: It's really great. I love that dialogue around being comfortable with bleeding and moon, blood. And I like this idea of kicking it off here because it was not something that was my reality when I was younger. I think that most of us grow up like that. Maybe we're shifting now; the times are shifting… But I think most young girls grow up with this idea of, “Oh my God, period. It's so disgusting. It's terrible. I have to hide it.” When did that shift for you?
Jaqueline: It shifted for me when I started doing Tantra. I got into Tantra because I was healing from sexual trauma and I was super disconnected from my yoni; which is vagina, vulva, the whole reproductive system, and it was just like the first introduction of women talking about doing womb massages or having a conversation with that part of my body. And before, I would have cramps so bad that I would vomit. It was just like really intense. It was monthly. But even before that, I remember when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait. I was so excited for womanhood. I couldn't wait to have breasts or to have my first period. I was ecstatic. And I remember when I first started my period, for some reason I kept it a secret for three days. I was bleeding a lot and I was like, maybe it'll go away. Finally on the third day, I told my mom and I was so excited. I started really at fifth grade, and I remember when I told my mom and I was so excited to get the talk, the birds and the bees talk, like I was so excited to learn about it because I've always known about sexuality. I was always really in touch with my body and I remember my mom getting frustrated and she was like what do you want me to tell you when you put a penis in a vagina, and you get pregnant?
And that was that. And I remember I was so excited to start my period and to be a woman. I've always liked it, I've never hated it. I legitimately love bleeding. I love being on my period. I feel so light. It's weird. I eat the least amount of food when I'm bleeding. I feel the freshest and I have the most energy.
But I'm really grateful that I have that. But yeah massaging my womb, actually sitting down with it and thinking of it as my body's intuition and wisdom to clean itself and cycle itself through. I was like, oh, this is actually fucking beautiful.
Lana: You said that you had excruciating cramps. I went through that too. When did that shift and how did it shift? And you don't have cramps at all anymore?
Jaqueline: I have zero cramps. I have zero PMS, I have zero bloating. I have the easiest periods in the entire universe. It started to shift, when I started to sit with my blood and with my yoni; like I would do the womb massage. I would massage my ovaries, my uterus, I would massage my vulva and sit on fur; I don't do this anymore, I have a black towel, like a shower towel. And I still use that particular one whenever I bleed, but I would sit on it and free bleed and then just meditate until I just got like intentional and like witchy or ancient with it for, a little while. And that really shifted everything.
Lana: Wow. That's amazing. I have done a little bit of that. Definitely the free bleeding and the massage. But my cramps have not fully shifted. Like I had a period where I wasn't cramping at all and it was great, but they've come back, but nowhere near as excruciating as they used to be. I think what happened with me is I had an abortion, a surgical abortion when I was in my early twenties and it was not a great procedure.
I don't think they did a great job. And then following that, I was having all of this, emotional stuff come up that I wasn't processing and wasn't looking at, that was being held in my womb. Plus, the actual scars of the surgery. And then I was told that I needed a DNC, which is basically where they scrape it out and they clean out the debris afterward; and I didn't do that. And then went to become a Kambo practitioner and went through the training and my teacher said, I can't have you complete this training. I can't certify you because when I serve you Kambo, you're laying on the floor screaming in excruciating pain because you're having these cramps. I would have cramps when I received Kambo. And I basically was reliving the abortion and I found that was happening every month. And that was the connection point for me. And trying to shift it. I was getting Mayan abdominal massage. I feel like you probably know about this? And they were moving my uterus because they found that it was totally shoved up into the right side from the surgery, so it wasn't aligned. And then also I had scars and debris and the thought process around that was that the Kambo was removing that debris and cleaning me out. Because that's what Kambo does. It's a cleanse, right? So I went through this whole crazy process and after six Kambo sessions and all these doctors and ultrasound and the Mayan abdominal massage, so much shit, learning about free bleeding and all this, the cramps went away for about a year after 10 years of excruciating pain. But then they started coming back. I had a miscarriage. And I think that brought some of the awareness and maybe some of the trauma back. There's still more work to do. So I find it really inspiring and compelling that you were able to shift it. Yeah. On your own with your practices, that's huge.
Jaqueline: Yeah. I'm really grateful that I was able to do that. And I'm sure like, I feel like our bodies are constantly talking to us and I'm sure that loss and like the death that your womb has felt like there's still like this constriction and this stickiness.
Lana: Yeah, absolutely. When you were dancing as an exotic dancer, were you doing those practices? Were you free bleeding? Were you…
Jaqueline: 110 million! Yeah. I love my story of getting into dancing because my mom, she was a single mother, she worked at a Lebanese called a Lebanese bar called AL-Amir. And sometimes she wouldn't have a babysitter and so I would sit in the corner of a bar until she was off work, and it was really fun. It was, it wasn't fun, but it was just cool. I got to be with my mom. But the belly dancers there! Sometimes she would take me up into their dressing room and I got to sit there and I was like, maybe four or five years old, and I would see, these women in this dressing room with like their gowns and they're doing their makeup and they're getting ready. And then they'd go downstairs and they'd do this big performance and this center of the bar. And like people would circle around them. And it was my first introduction to a woman using her sensuality and her dance and her movement to captivate an entire rumor to add to the experience. And I was like, I wanna do that.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to do sensual and erotic dancing. I think that's how the seed got planted and then, going through like sexual abuse and then interweaving like my worth into my sexuality and things like that. When I turned 18, I remember I got hired, which isn't difficult really. And I remember the manager looking at me and he goes, “Are you sure you wanna do this?” You look like a really nice girl. And I was like, WOW! Yea I wanna do this. And then the universe intervened, something hardcore happened in my life and I ended up not ever going back in. But it was always this desire of mine. And when I was reconnecting to my body, my transition, my spiritual awakening, if you will, before I got into like Tantra and whatnot, I was very depressed. I was gonna study criminal psychology. I got into yoga, found Tantra, and through reconnecting to my body, I found sensual movement. I spent an embarrassing amount of hours literally dancing in my room. Like it was just like my medicine. I got really good at feeling and looking and dancing beautifully, and feeling magnetic and powerful just for myself.
And I remember there would be times where I would like fantasize, like having a group of men surrounding me, worshiping me. And so I was like, it was a fantasy I had in my mind for years that was consistently playing out. And with that I was self pleasuring. I was working with yoni eggs and I was massaging my breasts and I was doing all of these like tantric self-pleasure rituals.
Lana: And how old were you?
Jaqueline: I started at 19, like the self-pleasure rituals. I didn't dance until 2020, so I think maybe I was 23 the first time I danced. But again, I had this constant desire and I was building my business in embodiment coaching and I still had this: I want to go do this. And at that point in my life, I felt like I had such a strong head on my shoulders. Like I felt like empowered in my sensuality. I felt good at setting boundaries. I felt like I wasn't doing it from this place of emptiness, but from a place of: I have a deep desire to see myself in this way. And so I remember I sat in my room for a solid three months and journaled: what are my intentions going into the strip club?
What do I think of high priestessship and sex priestesses? What do I think of other women when they do this? What are my fears? What is the shame that I know I'm going to receive from doing this? And I really sat down with all of it to because I feel like it's a big decision in the sense of it's a lot of vulnerability.
It's a very intimate career or job to get yourself into. And I remember one of the three main things that came up around shame was: people are gonna view me differently. The other one was, how am I gonna feel dancing for somebody I'm not attracted to? And the other ones just escaped my mind.
But I remember thinking when I know another woman does sex work, I don't think anything. I don't think anything less of her. So why am I thinking anything less of myself? And then when it came to dancing for men that I wasn't attracted to, I remember writing: everybody's beautiful in the eyes of God.
And if I just went in with that; like everybody deserves affection and attention and love and intimacy. And I felt like at the root, that's why these men were going into these places. That's the root of why a lot of us are doing a lot of things. We want attention, we want affection, we want intimacy. And I know that there's so much healing in sexuality.
There's so much healing in sensuality. And so I went in with that intention. I'm going into the club to heal and to express myself as an exhibitionist or a sexual woman or whatever it is that you wanna do. And the first chunk of it, I had a great time, but then once the newbie stripper aura kind of wears off and people are like, oh, I've seen you a million times.
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impromptu recording post sunbathing capture ↑
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EP 1 : Jaqueline Michelle